Last week I finished The Marriage Sabbatical by Lian Dolan. It just came out at the beginning of this month on April 2, 2024 and has reached the USA Today Bestseller List! This book definitely has a unique concept and was therefore a bit different from what I would normally go for, but I enjoyed it! Like I do with all my book reviews, I’ll give y’all a spoiler-free summary and review of The Marriage Sabbatical and then follow it up with a spoiler-included recap and review to read once you’ve read the book!
The Marriage Sabbatical by Lian Dolan follows Jason and Nicole, who have been married for 23 years and have become stagnant in their marriage. Jason’s job offers him a paid, year-long sabbatical after 25 years of service, so he has been planning a dream adventure trip to South America to travel and write a thriller spy novel. But as the trip approaches, Nicole finally works up the courage to admit to Jason that joining him is not her dream vacation. After recently becoming empty nesters, they decide to use Jason’s sabbatical to fulfill their own dreams separately. Nicole wants to learn silversmithing in Santa Fe while Jason goes on his trip in South America. During their 9 months apart, they decide to add another twist to their “marriage sabbatical”. Their neighbors tell them that they have a somewhat open marriage, in that they have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy when they are over 500 miles apart. Nicole and decide to adopt that rule solely for the duration of their sabbatical. They clarify that they are not separating, they completely intend to get back together at the end of their sabbatical. But what happens when it’s time to go back to normal life?
Overall, I did like this book, although I felt like it was missing an element of drama (that I will explain in the spoilers section). But the writing was witty, and it’s a quick, enjoyable read. I liked Nicole’s character, but I don’t feel like I really got to understand who Jason was in this story. Nicole seemed really self-assured and confident while being a little quirky, and so I enjoyed the parts of the story about her. Jason’s character was not as developed to me, so I found myself being more uninterested in his POV chapters.
I also think that for me (and this is a personal problem), maybe it was hard to fully connect to this story since I’m in my 20s. If you are in your 40s or 50s, and are in a similar stage of life as Nicole and Jason, this book might resonate with you more. I do think if you’ve been married for at least 5 years though, that you’ll find some of the parts (like about life becoming somewhat routine) of The Marriage Sabbatical to be relatable regardless of your age! I really feel like this could be a great book for a book club though because it would spark some really interesting conversation about taking a break from your marriage after being married for many years.
One of the big themes for this book is about following your passions and then pivoting when things don’t exactly pan out the way you thought they might. No matter your age and if you are married/for how long, this is definitely a relatable topic for most people!
The Marriage Sabbatical Review with Potential Spoilers
One part that kid of irritated me about Jason’s character was what sparked them deciding to open up their marriage in the first place: Jason was originally going to go on this trip with his best friend, Charlie and without Nicole. However, Charlie dies as an ER doctor exposed to COVID, so he delays the trip as he emotionally recovers and then re-plans it to have Nicole join. So to me, it was weird that all of a sudden he was bitter that his wife was not going to go with him and he seemingly seems mostly frustrated because he doesn’t want to be celibate for 9 months. However, would he not have been celibate for 9 months if he had gone with Charlie? Suddenly being frustrated that he has to be celibate is what sparks the conversation of them essentially opening up their marriage for the sabbatical. Maybe it’s because I’m pretty old school, but I couldn’t really wrap my head around this point especially since they were otherwise pretty solid as a couple.
In the end, the neighbors who had introduced Jason and Nicole to the “500 mile rule” appear to be splitting up, which they assume to be because of their 500 mile open marriage rule and the wife leaving her husband to be with one of the people who she had an affair with. Nicole and Jason seem so confident that they “opened up their marriage” the right way. Their neighbors were advocating for essentially one-night-stands while 500 miles apart, but Nicole and Jason were sleeping with the same people for months, which I would argue is tad riskier because it created more time for them to build an emotional connection with someone else. Either option seems kind of “risky” if your goal as a couple is to stay together and you really don’t want to break up!
I did think it was an interesting tidbit of knowledge that they threw in about monogamy and the Puritans via Nicole’s friend Tessa:
I have a book you should read about the history of marriage that will blow your mind and support the notion that a lifetime of monogamy was never part of the contract before the Puritans got a hold of things and the Eisenhower administration really doubled down on the perfect American family myth.
…
What I learned from this book is that our idea of a love-match marriage with inscrutable fidelity that lasts fifty-plus years is a completely modern construct. That very few couples can attain. Marriage used to be a business arrangement. Or a matter of convenience. Or short-lived because the woman died in childbirth or the husband died in a horrific farm accident. Nobody lived long enough to celebrate a golden anniversary. My point is that history tells us that marriage can be more flexible than you think.
Page 46, The Marriage Sabbatical by Lian Dolan
I almost wish Dolan had built more conflict between Jason and Nicole to give some kind of reason for why they need a sabbatical and open up their marriage– then the arrangement would have made more sense to me. Throughout the book, there are snippets of conflict earlier in their marriage, but you don’t get to see it resolved or understand how or if they resolved it. I felt like this was a missed opportunity to build some resentment and be a clearer explanation that they needed a break from each other and then ultimately driving them back together stronger than before.
A year or so ago, I read After I Do by Taylor Jenkins Reid, which I really enjoyed and was a somewhat similar premise. However, in After I Do, there is a more apparent conflict initially and climax. They also see other people in that book, but it almost made more sense in that context. The characters in After I Do read each other’s emails about how much they miss each other and things they love about each other and so the time apart and brief open marriage helps bring them back together. However, in The Marriage Sabbatical, Jason gives the most half-assed weekly emails to update Nicole and I didn’t get the sense that the sabbatical necessarily strengthened their marriage other than perhaps giving them a bit of physical spark back.
My God, he looked amazing. Rugged but refined with a trim beard, his face lean and tan; even his shoulders seemed more relaxed, like his neck had lengthened, lightened. Maybe it was the weight of work or grief or the daily grind of the last twenty-five years lifted off him, but he looked like a new man.
Page 215, The Marriage Sabbatical by Lian Dolan
But who is to say how long this lasts when they are not in their real life? Nicole even admits that the life she lives in New Mexico is is like a pretend life:
For a second, she thought of what her life would be like if this were her life. Her real life, not the pretend one she’d been playing at since September
Page 176, The Marriage Sabbatical by Lian Dolan
Perhaps the goal of the book was to focus on Jason and Nicole’s individuality and show that Jason and Nicole could have their own interests and hobbies outside of one another. Unfortunately, in my opinion, that alone isn’t the most enthralling concept. Sometimes when you are married for a long time and have kids, your own interests get pushed to the back. The sabbatical gave Nicole and Jason the opportunity to discover that the dreams that they had (Jason writing a spy thriller and Nicole silversmithing bracelets) may not actually be the right fit for them and gave them the chance to pivot and figure out what does work for them. It’s a good message, but missing some drama for a novel.
Ultimately, I kept waiting for a big conflict or drama to happen and it never really occurred. Especially because the official book summary hints at something! “But all sabbaticals come to an end…then what?”– spoiler: they get back together like nothing happens. Jason’s dad had a heart attack which cut the sabbatical a bit short (maybe that was the climax?), but it wasn’t the conflict between Jason and Nicole I think it needed. I don’t know if the missing drama is necessarily a good thing or a bad thing, but I think it would have been more interesting if there was a dramatic climax.
Final rating: 3.75/5 stars (rounded it 4 stars for Goodreads!)
Overall I did enjoy this book, and I think it would be great for a book club because it would spark some interesting conversation. It was an interesting concept for sure. I personally do think it was missing some drama and conflict or some more overt romance that would have made me rate it higher. All that being said, I didn’t think it was boring or slow, and I really enjoyed Nicole’s character and the idea of pursuing your passions no matter your age, even if it doesn’t work out, you can’t say you didn’t try!
This post may contain affiliate links. Please see policy page for more information. The publisher sent me a free copy of the book before it was released– all opinions are my own.
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